It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dude. I can hear the air.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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