What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
