Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
