exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
