Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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