Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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