explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sext me about skeletons
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
