Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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