I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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