Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
