I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
