There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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