someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
