I got chris browned last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
