isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
