guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
