my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
