If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
