Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
