Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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