I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
