i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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