Define "chronic" masturbator.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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