Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
