thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
