Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
