I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
