I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
