Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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