Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
