2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
