On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
