i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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