Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
