If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
