You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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