so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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