I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
