thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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