everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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