I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
