You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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