Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
