He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
