office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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