fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
