Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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