as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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