i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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