Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
