Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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