Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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