he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
