How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
