Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
