i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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