I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
