My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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