Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want her autograph on my taint
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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