He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
