he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
