mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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