he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
