I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
